Mary Sue Rehabilitation Centre
by Aman'mai
Summary: Mary Sues are really innocent teenagers taken from their homes and put into the place of Mary Sues written everywhere. Only an intensive rehab program with rigorous training in coming back to the real world can bring them back to sanity.


A/N: This evolved from a mix of Miss Cam's mini-balrog idea and Suedom (which is hosted on Miss Cam's site: ) oh, and probably will have a few PPC references - if you haven't read any of these, get over to that site quickly cos a fair bit of this might fly past you if you don't have any background knowledge. Will try to keep it simple though so you won't absolutely require it. Hopefully, this will work out into an interesting and plot-full fic. No guarantees though.  
  
I would like to apologise in advance for the number of ellipses. I have some sort of obsession with them. Hopefully they won't be too rife.  
  
I also like inventing words up. If you know what it means, but technically it doesn't exist it's a word made up and useable.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Title: The Mary Sue Rehabilitation Centre (To Be Known As The MSRC from henceforth)  
  
Chapter: Berelith  
  
Rating: PG-13 for possibly disturbing violence. Not very heavy on the violence though – it'll mainly just be disturbing... ;)  
  
Summary: Mary Sues are really innocent teenagers taken from their homes and put into the place of Mary Sues written everywhere. Only an intensive rehab program with rigorous training in coming back to the real world can bring them back to sanity.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Legoals!" she cried in happiness.  
  
"My lovely!" whispered Legoals in her ear.  
  
They held each other tightly, kissing each other on their lips, their eyes, their necks... his skin, oh how she loved his leathery skin...  
  
Berelith sniffed a strange carbon smell, strangely mixed with sulphur. The skin under her hands were rough and the caressing lips weren't rosebuds...  
  
She blinked.  
  
And screamed.  
  
Legoals held on tight to her struggling form and began to drag her into a hole that had just opened up in a nearby grassy knoll. Without much difficulty, he entered the not so large hole, managing to keep the girl's feet from hitting the roof. Her head was not so lucky, however.  
  
It sniggered as it hefted her now unconscious form down the long tunnel, twisting and turning, it made strange gestures to other creatures as it moved down the tunnels, regularly coming to intervals where more than three tunnels would intersect at a time.  
  
"Left... right... left... fourth left... two middles... second right..." it was muttering.  
  
Eventually it came to a large orange coloured door. It didn't glow as such, but it stood out from the darkness and left no shadows on the walls leading to it. This was mainly for the Effect and Impression. Not many would go through the door willingly if it didn't make much of an Impression, would they? That is, if they were still conscious.  
  
The creature stretched to turn the doorknob, giving an accidental bump to the rapidly waking Berelith's head. She slumped again.  
  
Light poured forth from the now open door, bathing the tunnel behind it. The creature grunted sourly and boosted the limp figure to its shoulder before putting his weight on his back foot and thrusting forward. Propelling the body into the light. Quickly, it slammed the door closed before whatever it was that was inside would begin to clamber for the creature's own small yet bright spark of life to add to its own.  
  
It wiped its grimy limbs on its apron and looked at the door with a mixture of distaste and pity.  
  
"Ah well," it sighed to itself, "She'll be right in a few days... p'raps."  
  
The sound of snorting laughter echoed back to the door as the creature returned down the long tunnel to his next task. It wasn't particularly appealing but it'd had worst before. It popped into a side tunnel, soon disappearing into a hole where sounds of a couple of screeching fell beasts were heard before the hole sealed with a strange sipping sound.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Berelith was meanwhile squealing as she fell or descended down, or in an indiscernible direction that seemed to be going slightly downwards, into the dark depths or heights or sidewaiths of the unending tunnel. She could not feel and she could not hear, though she was sure she was screaming as high as her vocal cords could stand...  
  
Had she even opened her mouth? Berelith experimented by wriggling her toes. She had no idea if she had. She thought she had but it was hard to tell in the blackness that was slowly beginning to overlap over her body. It felt weird to be rapidly disappearing in a darkness where, if it were natural, would not have let her see herself in the first place. The thinking hurt. Pain...  
  
The utter emptiness overwhelmed her, slowly beginning to invade her personal space... whatever space there was in this hellhole. She couldn't stand it. She opened her mouth again to scream. If she'd ever closed it...  
  
And blinked once more, beginning to get a strange sense of de ja vu as a distant brilliance came closer towards her.  
  
Her eyes began to water, as she got closer to the strange light. She found herself being drawn to it and was soon enveloped by it.  
  
Then she fell. For a long time. It was a very long time.  
  
It wasn't like last time, she mused when she stopped squealing as it got boring. There was gravity now, so at least it was normal in a way. She must have been falling for about five minutes before she realised that she wasn't going to land anytime soon.  
  
Taking a quick look down she noted that the ground was fairly far below her and she had a few more moments to herself before it took over once more.  
  
Ben blinked.  
  
It?  
  
Unfortunately, this was the last of her thoughts as the ground decided to rush up to meet her rather than wait for another age to pass for her to crash into it.  
  
And so, Ben never did get another chance to think about things for a very long time...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Cor! What's this one then, Mel?"  
  
"Dunno. Looks like a Legolas Luster one..."  
  
"Really? She could be a Haldir Harrasser."  
  
"Nah, look at those lashes!"  
  
"Yeah, but the eyebrows... they don't match the wig."  
  
"You think?"  
  
"Well, *I* think she's a bit like Arwen."  
  
"SHUT UP, GREG!"  
  
"HARRY!"  
  
"Your name is Greg!"  
  
"No, it's Harry! Like Arry – Aragorn!"  
  
"Don't bother with him, Jen. He's in denial."  
  
"I AM NOT!"  
  
"You so are. Anyway, isn't Arwen a brunette?"  
  
Strange taunts seemed to float over Berelith's head as her mind slowly swam up to consciousness while her body was desperately struggling to keep it down. The pain seemed to get more important with every micro-millimetre she opened her eyes.  
  
"Look, guys. She's waking up."  
  
A face swam into view.  
  
"Hey. Do you reckon you look like Arwen? Even with the blonde hair, I mean..."  
  
Another face appeared, pushing the other one from view.  
  
"Shut up, will you? Can't you see she's in pain?"  
  
"I was in pain when I got here and I didn't get any such TLC."  
  
"Shut up, Greg."  
  
"Harry!"  
  
Berelith groaned and the pending World War Three Hundred and Sixty Four eruption was forestalled for a few moments.  
  
Now there were three faces above her. Her mind tried to comprehend this.  
  
"Ugerr... meep! Meneerrrhhhh grrrrr... Argh!"  
  
She used her hands to illustrate but they got too heavy halfway through and so she let them drop. She yelled some incomprehensible command to them, which was received as incomprehensibly as it was delivered.  
  
"10 bucks she wants us to take her to our leader."  
  
"10 bucks she wants Legolas."  
  
"You're on."  
  
The three of them moved around her. Berelith had the satisfied, smug look on her face that she got as she was about to be obeyed. She liked being obeyed.  
  
On three, they hoisted her roughly, at her protest, and lumbered towards the hills in the distance.  
  
"She's heavy for a MS."  
  
"Yeah well, maybe she was one of them warrior ones that figured that the more weight you carried while looking gorgeous meant a greater prowess."  
  
"What was that? I thought I heard you use proper grammar and a big word that may have required a dictionary for the under educated, Greg," said the left.  
  
Harry, Mel! HARRY!" the one at her feet yelled out.  
  
Berelith heard a growl come from one (or more) of her carriers. Her eyes narrowed as it disrupted her thoughts.  
  
"Blanerughhh!"  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Blanerughhh!"  
  
With that, Berelith gave them slight slaps as close to their mouths as possible.  
  
"Be quiet?" asked the one to her right.  
  
"Merph."  
  
"I'll take that as a no?"  
  
Berelith slapped the one to her left slightly harder this time.  
  
"A yes then. Ah well, not taxing me. I won't complain. Easier to carry you with me saving my breath."  
  
The company continued on in silence. Often the underbrush would scrape against the back of Berelith who would emit a sharp "Grouwf" and would be lifted slightly higher before being slowly lowered back down again by the tired and by now, quite annoyed transporters.  
  
They continued for quite a while. The sun was beginning to disappear over the hills on the horizon. Berelith began to wonder when they were going to arrive at wherever they were heading.  
  
The one to the left began to hum.  
  
"Shut it, Mel! We're not supposed to let her begin to unevolve until we're in Secure!"  
  
"But it's my favourite song!"  
  
"It would be!" said the one at her feet. Berelith could not make the necessarily calculations that this was Greg/Harry. But it made her brain hurt so she returned back to the not so painful thinking subjects such as Legolas and pinkness...  
  
"Didn't you like any Offspring?" came the voice from the left. Mel. Ouch. Berelith wished they would shut up. They seemed to have a strange and insane urge to keep their jaws working. Most probably, she thought, that it was so that there brains didn't start thinking, which was probably all very well for her.  
  
"No, not really."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Ok, how's this..." Greg/Harry started singing a few lyrics.  
  
"So?"  
  
"The lyrics are terrible!"  
  
"Well, I like them."  
  
"Yes, well that's you, isn't it?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
An inevitable argument came of it that continued until the one on the right... Jen...ouch... Berelith winced at the same time as Greg tripped over a suddenly appearing tree root and the troop went sprawling.  
  
"Not again," said one of the girls.  
  
The three groaned as Berelith noticed the utter darkness.  
  
"Is this bad?" Berelith asked. Her tongue had since disswollen in the past hour.  
  
"Ah HAH! She talks!"  
  
"Shut it, Greg," two voices came out of the darkness.  
  
"Harry!"  
  
"What's happening is," began one of the female voices – Berelith guessed Mel, "we are being swallowed by a tree... it won't digest until we're dead and even then that won't happen because we wouldn't be here anymore..."  
  
"Dead?" squeaked Berelith, "I don't wanna die!"  
  
"Don't worry, it might feel weird. You've already died..."  
  
"No! My Legolas will save me! Take me to him!"  
  
The darkness was silent for a moment.  
  
"Pay up."  
  
A tinkle of coins exchanged owners.  
  
"Do you have to carry everything in change? Honestly!"  
  
"Well, sorry but that's the way they trickle it in to me!"  
  
"Why don't you ask them to give you a note every two weeks?"  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
Berelith screamed.  
  
"We're about to die and you're arguing about change?"  
  
"Yeah," came the two simultaneously.  
  
Berelith would have blinked in amazement if it weren't for the fact that she was blinking naturally anyway and was already sick of blinking at things that were awe-inspiring, strange or plain blink-worthy altogether.  
  
"Don't worry, luv. They'll be along soon anyway. They were expecting a new patient today anyway."  
  
"Patient?"  
  
Ben shook her head.  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"Whoa, we have a..."  
  
Berelith narrowed her eyes at slightly darker figures in the dark.  
  
"A what?"  
  
"Nevermind."  
  
But for the next five minutes, there were whispers echoing all over the hollow they were entrapped in. Fortunately, Berelith's ears were too muddled to distinguish all the words.  
  
"She... early..."  
  
"Early! Right... patient?"  
  
"Maybe... depends on..."  
  
"Ooh, yeah..."  
  
The conversation abruptly stopped as they all squinted at the huddled girl in the corner that was trying hard to listen to them so that she might be able to discover their conversation topic.  
  
A suspicious air settled around them, so they got comfortable by squirming into it and taking up the long hard, calculating stare that many would do when confronted with another long, hard, calculating stare.  
  
The suspicious air got sick of being uncomfortable with four bodies trying hard to get comfortable, and so got up abruptly, dumping the comfortees on the floor and stormed off leaving the remaining four feeling slightly stupid and uncoordinated.  
  
There was a stomping of feet above them.  
  
"Oh thank you, thank you!" thanked Greg.  
  
"Ho Blue-y Gum, what are you doing there? Give me those patients you got under there! Oooh, Gum Blue, Oooh, Blue Gum, Bombadil's come to let them Out of your lair!"  
  
Greg sobbed and shook his fist at the air.  
  
"Why me?"  
  
"Why us you mean!" murmured Jen.  
  
There was a wooden groan emitted from deep below them as an opening opened up above them, showering light and leaves onto their pallid faces.  
  
"Come on you cheerless faces! Old Tom's going to put you through paces!"  
  
Berelith turned her head to where Mel was banging her head repeatedly against the wall.  
  
Jen was doing something similar, but slightly more ingenious with her elbows and knees while Greg seemed as if he was about to cry.  
  
"WHAT'S GOING ON??" Berelith shrieked.  
  
Tom Bombadil grinned madly at her.  
  
"Come now sweet one, on to the parks! Where the bunny rabbits run, And fly the singing larks, Where you can come to be free And rid of all kinds Of horrid little Mary Sues And their silly stupid minds!"  
  
"Or lack there of," the man muttered as an afterthought.  
  
Berelith blinked.  
  
Another figure appeared behind the other.  
  
"Welcome," she said sinisterly, "Welcome to the Mary Sue Rehab Centre."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*points downwards at certain button energetically* 


End file.
